


i’ve been on my own for long enough

by sparklingmini



Series: blinding lights [1]
Category: Cravity (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Blink and you’ll miss it, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Light Angst, M/M, mentions of abuse, running away from their problems, serim and allen are runaways, woobin and jungmo are mentioned for one tiny line
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:40:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26798236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparklingmini/pseuds/sparklingmini
Summary: so serim sticks his hand out in an offer for a handshake, “park serim.” he says.the other connects their hands, “allen ma.”they both smile.
Relationships: Allen Ma/Park Serim
Series: blinding lights [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2060985
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	i’ve been on my own for long enough

**Author's Note:**

> it is five am right now :D i’m really bad at sleeping and have had ‘blinding lights’ by the weeknd on repeat for the last three hours. this was entirely inspired by that song, so it gets a lot of mentions in the story. the song gets me really emotional and i can’t describe why??? anyway, i hope you enjoy this, which was written within the span of an hour, at an ungodly hour, i can already see the sun.
> 
> title from: blinding lights - the weeknd

serim decides that it’s better that he doesn’t try to sleep.

his days bleed together, drip into each other and it’s suddenly all the same, as if he can’t differentiate between monday and friday (he should though, right? because monday is when you complain, and friday is when you party, but serim feels nothing as his days stay the same). serim doesn’t know if it’s what he gets or if it’s just plain sad.

serim drags himself up from his bed, he’s still wide awake, so it’s not that hard, what’s hard is the lack of motivation he has.

he looks out of the window to see the clear night sky, stars are littered throughout the sea of black and it makes serim’s night a little brighter. his clock sits atop his bedside table and it tells serim that it’s 3:30 in the morning.

he got off youtube about an hour and a half ago, around 2am, and he’s been trying to sleep ever since. he can still hear ‘blinding lights’ by the weeknd playing softly from his phone, so he grabs his phone, not bothering to turn off the song, rather taking the phone and the song with him on his journey.

(it’s not a journey, he’s just going to his hotel’s roof, but the thought of going on a journey far from here comforts serim in a way he didn’t know would.)

putting ‘blinding lights’ on repeat was meant to comfort serim, but it’s making him feel nostalgic. (any song that serim can cry to immediately gets put on repeat, it’s the only thing that can comfort him nowadays and he lets his tears flow.) and it’s nostalgic enough that putting it on an hour and a half ago made serim feel like he was back in the past. back when he was even more unhappier than he is now.

escaping to america was something serim always dreamed about. it seemed so much better there, rather than in serim’s toxic, abusive household. actually coming to america was much different than he expected, but he got used to it. he misses his friends back home, woobin and jungmo, but they’ll get used to never seeing or talking to him again, and he’ll get used to the same.

the hallways of the hotel where he’s currently staying at are all the same. the white of the walls extend for long whiles, the only thing breaking it up being the doors of the other hotel rooms. ‘blinding lights’ is still playing from his phone and he doesn’t have the heart to turn it off just yet, even if the song could be annoying the other guests.

finally getting to the roof of the hotel makes serim shiver. the early morning air seeping through his pajamas, making its way to serim’s bones, causing them to shake in protest, telling him to put something warm on, but he ignores it.

he looks over the edge of the hotel’s railing, he gets a good view of the city from here. it looks bustling, lights still on everywhere in the city and it sparkles in the night. the lyrics of ‘blinding lights’ suddenly hit him and he understands where he is.

this is his life now. going every which-way, finding new hotels to sleep at every week.

but this is what he wanted.

he wanted to escape.

the tears run down his face, but serim doesn’t flinch, even when his tears feel icy running down his face, as if by the end of this he’ll be encapsulated by his own icy tears.

“‘blinding lights’ huh?” a voice sounds out behind serim and this time he flinches.

he turns around, but doesn’t bother to wipe the tears on his face.

it’s a man, at least half a head shorter than serim, his face is soft but defined and very distinct. if someone asked serim to point him out in a crowd of people, he could probably do it. there’s a tuft of silvery-white hair that sits on top of his head, it’s cut short but suits the man well.

“uh, yeah,” serim chuckles, finally wiping the drying tears off of his face, “comfort song.”

“so i’m assuming you didn’t come out here to admire the view,” the other says after a while, “are you ok? you don’t look like you’re from around here.”

serim is unsure whether he should tell this man anything, but after his week is up at this hotel he won’t even see him again, so he shakes his head in response.

“no,” he chuckles at his own misfortune, “but i’ve never been fine, so there’s not much difference now. and yeah, i’m from korea, south korea.”

“i see,” the other nods, “would you like to talk in korean then? is it easier for you?”

“you know korean?”

“yeah,” the other chuckles, “some of my friends who are staying in the states are korean.”

“oh cool, but nah, english is fine, i should practice it more anyway.”

“alright,” the other nods, “do you need to talk about your feelings.”

serim reminds himself that he’ll never see this man again, and while he has the option, he should get out how he feels. maybe it’ll make him feel better too.

he looks back over the city, ‘blinding lights’ starting over once again, but he’s not tired of the song, and he doesn’t think he’ll ever be.

“yeah,” he says after a breath, “i came here about six months ago, to the states, to escape the abuse of home. i’m still unhappy, but it’s bearable now, i guess maybe i’m used to it.”

“i see, i guess we’re similar in that way.”

serim turns back to the stranger in confusion, offering him a confused face, silently asking him to continue.

“i’m running away too,” the stranger says, head hanging, “from my problems, from my responsibilities. it’s not the most adult thing, but it’s freeing, and there’s no one around to judge me and my actions.”

serim nods in agreement, “there’s nothing more freeing than escaping.”

“say, care to take this journey with me?” the other suddenly asks and it confuses serim, because they met a few minutes ago, why is he asking him this?

“sorry, this seems very sudden, and we don’t even know each other’s names, but hey, isn’t that a part of the thrill of life?”

serim has been nothing but lonely this whole trip. it’s a fact that he can’t escape. it’s been suffocating only talking to hotel receptionists, but it’s all he’s been doing. it’s nice to get his feelings out like this, like a weight has been lifted off of his shoulders. like the stranger said, there’s a lot to life, and if this is what he’s being asked now then maybe it’s destiny.

it’s a dark night with stars littering the night sky when a stranger serim has just met is asking him to join him on a journey to escape. serim’s unhappy, but there’s nothing like the thrill of meeting someone who’s just as unhappy as he is, and starting on a new journey with this stranger he only met twenty minutes ago.

there’s nothing better than the freeing feeling serim feels right now. it feels right, this whole ordeal feels so _right_ to serim.

so serim sticks his hand out in an offer for a handshake, “park serim.” he says.

the other connects their hands, “allen ma.”

they both smile.

**Author's Note:**

> i’m a really big fan of the serim and allen ship and are my favourite cravity ship, so i’m happy i got to write this 🥺 i hope you enjoyed this and thank you for reading!


End file.
